Stress Diet This is a specially formulated diet,  designed to help you cope  with the stress  that builds up  during the day.

BREAKFAST:

• 1 grapefruit
• 1 slice whole wheat toast
• 1 cup skim milk

LUNCH:

• Small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach
• 1 cup herbal tea
• 1 chocolate biscuit

AFTERNOON TEA:

• The rest of the chocolate biscuits in the packet
• 1 tub of Rocky Road ice cream with choc-ice topping
• 1 jar Nutella

DINNER:

• 1 bottles of red wine
• 2 loaves garlic bread
• 1 family size supreme pizza

LATE NIGHT SNACK:

• Whole frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)

DIET RULES:

1. If no-one sees you eat something, it has no calories.
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3. When drinking a diet-coke with a chocolate bar, the fat and sugar in the chocolate bar is cancelled out by the diet-coke.
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5. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.
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7. Food used for medicinal purposes does NOT count (for example:
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   chocolate, toast, cheesecake and vodka)
    
9. If you fatten up the people around you, you will look thinner.
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11. Cinema-related foods have a zero calorie count as they are part of the entertainment package and not counted as food intake (this includes:
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    popcorn, minties, maltesers, jaffas and frozen cokes)
     
13. Biscuit pieces have no calories because breaking the biscuits up causes calorie leakage.
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15. Food licked from knives and spoons has no fat if you are in the process of cooking something.
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17. Foods that are the same colour have the same amount of fat. Examples are: spinach and peppermint ice-cream; apples and red Jelly snakes.
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19. Chocolate is a food-colour wildcard and may be substituted for any other colour.
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21. Anything eaten while standing has no calories due to gravity and the density of calorie mass.
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23. Food consumed from someone else's plate has no fat as it rightfully belongs to the other person and the fat will cling to his/her plate.
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